AdScam/The Horror!

Fuck the ads… Where’s my swag?

George Parker — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 16:28:28 +0000

I fucking laughed so much I spilled my breakfast gin & tonic when I read the piece in today's AdWeek titled… "Promotional Swag More Effective Than Ads." That's fucking right… All those billions blown on Super Bowl ego-fest TV spots would be much better spent on logo inscribed coffee mugs, pencils, retractable solar-powered flashlights, and the always acceptable tee shirts made in China. The real eye opener was the bit that said promotional products generate a cost-per-impression average of $0.004, compared to $.033 for national magazine ads or $0.019 for prime time TV ads. I mean, I don't care if the Poisoned Dwarf does a 300 slide Power Point presentation to prove otherwise. I fucking believe it. I mean we all know that the vast majority of money spent on advertising is wasted, so why not end up with a logo inscribed Magic 8 Ball. I got mine at a lesbian blogging conference in San Fransico.

Works for me!

Fuck the ads… Where’s my swag?

George Parker — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 16:28:28 +0000

Works for me!

Remember currenttv… How long will it stay current?

George Parker — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 15:23:00 +0000

Buried in all the news of ever increasing layoffs was an interesting piece on bnet's media industry column about pending cut backs at CurrentTV. AdScammer's will remember I wrote about this when it was launched by Al Gore a couple of years ago. It was during the height of the fucked up "consumer generated content" craze. Aimed at teenage douchenozzles, who's primary aim in life seems to be competing to see who can produce the shitiest MySpace page, everything was presented in three minute or less chunks. Obviously because the target audience had the attention span of a fucking gerbil. Now it seems management, including I imagine, Oscar/Nobelist Al, is going to drop its shorter UGC videos in favor of the more traditional 30 minute programs that have long dominated television programming across all channels. Mmmm… Conclusive proof that the next big thing invariably becomes the last little thing. Do these fucktard's ever learn anything?

I'll turn this place into fucking Florida, if it kills me!

Schwabnozzle talks shit!

George Parker — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 22:52:18 +0000

AdAge has a video interview with broker, Charles Schwab CMO, Becky Seager who goes on and on about how fucking brilliant their roboscoped ads are. Her point is that all the customers featured in the spots say the most marvelous and stunning things, apparently without any kind of prompting. Which sounds like a crock of shit to me. People do not sit in front of a camera crew and make esoteric comments about fucking fees and dividends. But, even if they did… Why the fuck are you roboscoping them so their fucking mouths seem to be slightly out of sync with the shit they're rattling on about. Why not use real people on film if you think the words are so powerful? But then it wouldn't look like an ad, would it? Maybe that's the point, right? Am I fucking missing something here?

Who the fuck are you calling a Schwabnozzle?

Take your meds… And shut the fuck up!

George Parker — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 21:57:09 +0000

Interesting to read in mediabuyerplanner that Obama will probably try to do something about the out of control DTC advertising we are increasingly subjected to. In my next book, The Ubiquitous Persuaders, I have a whole chapter devoted to drug and health care advertising, which when you look into it is fucking huge, with BDA's pulling in billions to produce ads that only a fucktard, or a drug company CEO, could love. Did you know that the US is the only country on the face of the planet that allows the advertising of prescription drugs? Every time Congress tries to do something about it, the fucking pharma and health care lobbyists come out of the woodwork like a bunch of cockroaches. Which is just one more reason why the health care system (what system?) in this country is so fucked!

New and improved!

Comments are working… Finally… Thank fuck for that!!!

George Parker — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 20:39:55 +0000

After days of fucking around and receiving all kinds of dumb robot generated emails from TypePad, the problem has been resolved… It would seem that since TypePad "improved" it's new interface, if you run certain widgets, it interferes with the ability to post comments… HOW FUCKING DUMB IS THAT??? So, I removed the offending Technorati widget, and everything seems to be working… For now… Fuck knows what will happen if they continue to improve things. Plus, I'm not sure if my Technorati links and feedback will work, not to mention their excellent search engine that allowed you to find out the last time Hughie, Dewey & Louie created one of their phantasmagoric "Rumble" videos. Anyway, "The Founder" over at the Tribble agency has very kindly offered to build me a new site. More on that in the next few days… I'll keep you all posted, for now PLEASE COMMENT!!!

I'm sending everyone at TypePad a present!!!

Andy Borowitz… Fucking “A!”

George Parker — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 12:44:51 +0000

I've always been a big fan of Andy Borowitz and subscribe to his column daily… Here's today's, word for fucking word… You should sign up for it.

Just minutes after “Morning Joe” host Joe Scarborough dropped an F-bomb live on the air, MSNBC announced that it was re-launching the show to capitalize on its star’s salty vocabulary.

“Starting on Tuesday, MSNBC’s morning show will be known as ‘Fucking Joe,’” said MSNBC spokesperson Carol Foyler. “We want to send the message that if you tune in to this show, you’ll get a unique mix of breaking news and XXX-rated chat.”

MSNBC’s decision to reformat the show to accommodate Mr. Scarborough’s weakness for expletives surprised many in the cable industry, especially since the show owes its origins to the cancellation of shock-jock Don Imus’ ill-fated morning program.

But for Mr. Scarborough’s part, the move to “porn up” his morning show came as no surprise.

“This move is a fucking home run and anyone who doesn’t think so is a fucking cocksucker,” Mr. Scarborough said, adding, “Fuck.”

Around the cable industry, insiders expressed surprise that Mr. Scarborough had slipped into profanity while on the air.

“I never thought Joe Scarborough would be the first one to drop an F-bomb on that show,” one observer said. “I thought it would be Andrea Mitchell.”

Love that last bit… Fucking great!

And fuck Alan Greenspan!!!

Andy Borowitz… Fucking “A!”

George Parker — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 12:44:51 +0000

I've always been a big fan of Andy Borowitz and subscribe to his column daily… Here's today's, word for fucking word… You should sign up for it.

Just minutes after “Morning Joe” host Joe Scarborough dropped an F-bomb live on the air, MSNBC announced that it was re-launching the show to capitalize on its star’s salty vocabulary.

But for Mr. Scarborough’s part, the move to “porn up” his morning show came as no surprise.

“This move is a fucking home run and anyone who doesn’t think so is a fucking cocksucker,” Mr. Scarborough said, adding, “Fuck.”

Around the cable industry, insiders expressed surprise that Mr. Scarborough had slipped into profanity while on the air.

“I never thought Joe Scarborough would be the first one to drop an F-bomb on that show,” one observer said. “I thought it would be Andrea Mitchell.”

Love that last bit… Fucking great!

And fuck Alan Greenspan!!!

psfk… The road to ruin!!!

George Parker — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 22:28:20 +0000

As a special treat, 'cos I know you are all pissed at not being able to post your unfailingly erudite comments… Because the Fucktard's at TypePad seem unable to extract their fucking heads from their fetid arses and fix whatever is wrong with AdScam… Here is a link to the wonderful panel I moderated at the last psfk Conference in San Francisco. It was all about how companies and organizations can leverage social media to enhance consumer dialogue, evolve product offering and improve sales, whatever the fuck that means. I did my best to remain focused, even though the the beautiful Lynn Casey from Team Noesis was sat next to me and it was hard to keep my eyes off her wonderful legs. Perhaps being massively hung-over thanks to Wisey, helped me manage!

And a jolly time was had by one and all!!!

Whatever happened to Julie Roehm???

George Parker — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 21:18:27 +0000

Yeah… I was probably drunk, or asleep, or both, but I finally woke up and figured out that Sarah Palin was nothing more than the political version of marketing's Julie Roehm. Julie's resume at LinkedIn is patently bullshit. Amongst her current employers she still lists Chrysler and Wal-Mart. She talks about her new consulting company, "Backslash Meta," which has been around ever since she got her arse kicked out of Wal-Mart, yet still doesn't have a Website… So much for the "Diva" of Web 2.0. Still, at least she didn't buy her "First Dude" forty thousand dollarsworth of silk boxer shorts. Don't know about Sean, though.

Hey, Julie… How's the legal bills doing?